66 days. Wow. In 66 days I will spend a week with my Master. This is so exciting, intense, amazing. I can hardly believe it. And yet, I'm not surprised, I knew from the moment I fell for Mr. G that I would be making a trip across the ocean to kneel at his feet and present myself to him properly. But at the same time, having an itinerary and reservation and everything makes it all so very real.
And it feels so real. I know there are a lot of D/s type relationships out there that are internet only or internet and phone only and I'm sure they feel very real, as well. But what I feel for my Master has sort of altered my entire existence. It has been such a short time and yet I feel like he knows me better than most people that have known me all my life. He is so in tune with my feelings and emotions it's actually frightening sometimes. But at the same time, it's so comforting. Times when I'm just not quite right and I think he's busy and unreachable and then he's online asking me “are you okay?” it's truly mind boggling. Because I wasn't okay and I really needed him. And then when I realize I can't think of exactly what, if anything at all, I needed to say to him he said “it's okay. You just needed me to be here.” and that was exactly it. And that one example is the perfect example of how he gets me and gives me exactly what I need even when I don't even know what it is that I need.
I probably think about him more than a nun thinks about Jesus. I also look at his pictures and reread his emails way, way too much. And then I feel silly doing these things. But when I tell him I've read his emails three times that day, he's like “oh, that's all?” and I realize in our relationship, I'm allowed to be obsessed with him, encouraged even. And it's all new again for me. I've been married to T for so long and our relationship is/was so different, I was never his stalker. (Mr. G and I have decided his follower sounds much less criminal) So feeling intense love, wanting to talk to him or look at him or hear his voice every single day and feeling a bit like a druggie when I get five hours of webcam, only to find myself pouting the next day because I don't get more than a dozen emails is all still new feelings for me. And I'm spoiled. I know this. I'm lucky that I get so much of his time. He's incredibly busy! Oh, and that pesky five hour time difference. It's so funny that one the one hand, I worry tremendously about his lack of sleep but then pout if he's tired and I don't get to chat or webcam with him at night.
So, refocusing on what I started this blog saying. I have 66 days to make my ass smaller, my kneel prettier and to wait oh-so-patiently to be touched by this Master who I worship.
65 days now!! I can be so patient with some things, but waiting for you to come here is gonna be REALLY hard to be patient about.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that you being called my follower, rather than stalker sounds much better. You won't have to stalk,erm,i mean follow me much longer when you are here.