Tuesday, September 18, 2012

100th Post!!

I wanted this post to be a best-of my blog.  I wanted there to be an 80s musical montage with a video slideshow.  It was going to take me hours of pouring through my old posts and hand picking all my favorite photos, my favorite stories.  And I've already waited almost a week to even begin it, because it was such a huge undertaking.  In the end, I've decided to just post something I never have before.

A peek at the pink.....

Friday, September 7, 2012

I Need

  • To find a particular crop that I've lost in my closet so that I can work on my next Sinful Sunday post.
  • To have my pussy fucked so properly that I'm sore for at least two days.
  • To commission an engineer and mechanic to invent the fucking/spanking machine that is also a massage chair from my imagination.
  • A venti iced non-fat caramel macchiato.
  • To suck a cock so unabashedly and wholly, that post-orgasm, the cock's owner pats me on the head and tells me I'm a good girl.
  • Some new lingerie. I really do feel prettier when I wear cuter things (and t appreciates when I don't just wear a stretched out old t-shirt to lounge around in.)
  • A full-length mirror.
  • Mostly, though, to stop focussing so much on what I need. 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Cum Drunk

Maybe I'm just cum drunk (Mr. G coined this phrase and I rather like it.)  But I think I've discovered a cure for my sugar addiction.  I honestly think it's a cure for anxiety, depression, overeating, overthinking, and just generally having a bad day.

Yes, I mean having orgasms.  After my comment the other day from dancingbarez I realized how lucky I am.  I can't honestly imagine not being able to make myself cum while alone.  But really, it's not just luck.  I am blessed with the talent of self-pleasure.  I think I could teach a class on how to get oneself off the most efficiently and often as one likes.  I have, actually, helped teach a grown woman who'd never had an orgasm how to give herself one.

I think part of the reason sometimes we, as women, can't play to fruition is that we have so much on our to-do lists, so much on our plate, we don't take the time to get really fully aroused.  I mean, with men, either it's happening or it's not.  With us, it's so much more of a gray area.  I mean, my pussy can get wet and I can even cum from having my clit rubbed, but then have a hard dick try to slide in and it doesn't quite cooperate right away.  There's so many more things going on with a pussy than just a couple of holes, muscles and skin. There's times when I'm wet and ready and yet it seems there's no getting inside. I think the issue here is mostly bad positioning.  And I'm still learning, too.  I will admit, although it seems like it would be really hot, I have never successfully had sex standing up (I think Mr. G released me because I broke his cock on my last visit) and I've found at times, even after an orgasm, my pussy is still kinda locked up and hard to break into.  It's just a matter of finding what works for you and your body.

Because I know my body really really well.  I can use a toy and fuck myself for 30 seconds or less, hitting just the right spot and have what I call a quick and dirty play.  (with clean-up, total time probably closer to two minutes)  And I think most women know their body in the sense of what size they wear or what colors look good on them.  But they don't bother getting to know themselves sexually.  And I don't mean get a mirror out and stare at your pussy.  Because honestly, this is the polar opposite of what turns me on. 

And that's really the key to a good play session.  Being so turned on.  I love when the first time my hands touch my nipples, they are already rock hard.  I love putting my hand into my panties and feeling how swollen and wet I am.  I think women forget how much fun it is to be seduced.  And no, I don't run a bath and put on a nightie every time I masturbate (my water bill would be outrageous!  Especially when you factor in my shower massager time).  But I do sometimes.  It's about being so hot and bothered BEFORE I even begin to touch myself that my own touch and the toys I'm using feel so fucking good.  Like lotion on a sunburn.  I have learned over the years that a play that has worked itself up a bit, coming from pure animal need rather than I'm just bored and going to touch myself is so much bigger, more likely to actually sate me.  For a while, at least.  

Monday, September 3, 2012

Orgy of One (***updated***)

I had such high hopes for my play tonight. Epic. I was going to fuck myself and cum until I was unconscious. I've been trapped in vanilla world so long, days and days, i started to think I'd forgotten what a filthy whore I am.

I even had a new ball gag to try. And even put myself in our handcuffs for a bit, just to get me in a nice place (and continue my bondage girl stretching techniques) Had my toy bag out, all my favorites spread out on the bed.

Yeah, I fucked my pussy (and ass) rather nicely. But the epic orgasm just didn't happen. I even tried to reset and give it another go after recovering from my *sort-of* orgasm. To no avail. Sometimes my clit just won't cooperate.

And I just feel like I'm in my head too much. I sh sh sh and quiet my panicky monkey brain. But really, it's that carnal, animal part of me that I need to tap into to have a truly satisfying play. And I can't shut it up long enough to just let go and fucking cum.

I almost feel like I've forgotten how to just cum for myself. I used to have reels of porn I could pull up in my head, a truly full spank bank. Alas, the coffers are empty. And honestly, this freaks me out more than not having a Sir to answer to. I've been playing happily and cumming since I was 12 years old. Minus health issues or very emotionally traumatic experiences, not much has thrown my game.

I know that this too shall pass. It's even very likely that I watch one of my favorite imaginary porn Doms (James Deen or Derrick Pierce) and have an orgy of one with multiple happy endings as early as tomorrow.

It has been pointed out to me by two different people in the last few days that cumming is much more important to me than most people. Maybe it's just like when you decide tonight I'm going to get really drunk (which never happens for me. In the last ten years I've only gotten stupidly drunk by mistake) and it just doesn't happen, almost like my own performance anxiety.

I am starting a new healthy diet plan tomorrow that promises some pretty serious results. Maybe something as simple as getting a bit healthier and more fit will shake me out of my pity party and turn it back into a super fun orgy of one.

And it only took me sitting and working with clothespins (under my bra and shirt), a gag, a buttplug (and then a dildo in my pussy when I realized I had to be completely full) for a while until the truly carnal me could come out to play.  Then I took a break from working to kneel with bike shorts on and holding my hitachi wand (a/k/a jackhammer) in place on my clit.  I went back to that story that's working its way out of my brain. All is, once again, right in my slutty needing to cum world.   We will now return to your regularly scheduled program.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

The Elusive Muse

I swear. It's like just when you're about to sneeze and someone says bless you, and then you can't sneeze. That's how it feels to have a fun story rattling around in my head that I can't write. My biggest problem is I always get struck all the way down to my toes with an idea, something hot that I want to elaborate on when I'm somewhere like in a full car with my family, headed out to dinner.  And then by the time I'm alone, later, in a dark room with all the time and privacy I need, it's gone. I can completely remember the idea and what my thoughts were centered around, but the actual muse, the hotness, the thing that got my juices flowing has ceased. And then it's just an empty shell of an idea. And when I force myself to sit and write it, it comes out so shitty that I am doubly frustrated, because not only do I hate bad writing, but I feel like I've also murdered a really great story, as well.

So instead of writing the actual story (which I seriously would if I could), I will write what thought came to me today to want to write it.

There was a time, as an adult I'd moved home with my parents to regroup and get back on my feet monetarily as well as emotionally. And back then, I was so into aol chat rooms, irc, and the like. I made a lot of internet friends and had lots of cyber and phone sex.

One friend in particular lived in California and he and I talked online quite a bit. He was a very evolved individual, after having years and years of therapy. He really helped me work through a lot of family and personal type issues, as well as phone sexing me up. He was one of those people you want to tell all your darkest secrets to. (and he somehow made you feel okay with them)

Well, he had a girlfriend (sub) who was very open-minded and into good fun. He would call me up, when they were mid scene and start telling me what he was doing to her. (while I'm masturbating furiously) I could hear him paddling, flogging, or spanking her. I could hear her moans and grunts and begging. He'd tell me things like "her ass is so red right now. And her pussy is so wet, it's practically running down her legs" if she wasn't gagged, she'd say things to me too. She'd tell me how good he was fucking her or tell me she's going to cum soon and I should with her (I'm so auditory, hearing someone begging to cum and them wanting me to cum, too, is a pretty darn good trigger)  The fun thing is, my begging and moaning and cumming turned them on, too. There were times he told me she'd ask if I was around when they were about to play, because I was so fun to (albeit virtually) have around.

Although I am not a voyeur or exhibitionist, the anonymity of being on the phone versus in person with them was very freeing. I loved hearing him fuck her, spank her, make her cum. I loved feeling myself getting close to an orgasm and begging permission, only to hear her also begging him, knowing my impending orgasm triggered hers.  It was like the least self-conscious three-some I could ever imagine.

So thank you Dom from Cali who helped me come to terms with my alcoholic mother and promiscuous past. Thank you to his sub who made me realize that two girls and one guy can be really super hot (and not uncomfortable or jealous or competitive).  And maybe soon that lightning will strike again and I can capture that story that was gone before it was written.