The Mighty Power of Words

I want to begin this blog with a little history. Master, you might want to skip a few paragraphs. (Mr.G gets to live in a world where I mostly only exist for him) I just wanted to write and explain (my opinions only, I'm not a doctor, therapist, or counselor) how a verbally abusive (or physical, for that matter) relationship is not and cannot be construed as a D/s relationship.
In my early 20's I dated two bad boys. The first gave me two black eyes and we broke up and I never looked back because that wasn't acceptable in my world. The second character I fell for time and again over a period of three years. He was a much sneakier abuser. The marks he left were all on the inside. He was totally bi-polar and we had a very addictive and toxic relationship. A better way to describe us was I was totally in love with him and depending on the swing of his polarism, I was either his girlfriend who he spoiled with extravagant gifts and gestures or a "dumb bitch" who needs to understand we're just friends and he fucks other people.

I actually had to move out of state to break up with him. I also became a self-help book junkie. I think I read every self-help book published in the late 80s and early 90s. I decided I would never tolerate someone who would hurt me or my feelings merely for sport or depending on his whim or mood. But around this same time in my life, I discovered D/s. And it all made sense, I would attract these type of men (and was attracted to them) because I am a submissive and these jerks I kept being attracted to were certainly Dominants.

So fast forward to now. I've blogged about how Mr.G talks to me before. He's said things to me like shut up, fuck off, and has multiple times hung up on me. Sometimes he's teasing (the fuck off was). Sometimes he just needs me to quit chattering so he can get a word in.  And I'm not going to list the wonderfully wicked nicknames he's called me (crusty is a favorite) or talk about how he teases me about other things that men really don't get to tease women about.

What I want to focus on is the intent and the feelings in me it produces. Say my Master says "you fucking whore". Just typing that, my heart is racing and I feel a bit glow-y (read, sweaty). My throat starts to constrict and a furnace is turned on in my panties. I feel so good, so hot, so much like taking all my clothes off and begging to suck his cock. This is the difference. He says the things to me and teases me evilly because sometimes his sadistic side takes the form of verbal barbs. In the past, never was I called names or teased sometimes relentlessly and didn't feel like I needed to throw up my guard and fight back. I was always ready for a verbal battle of wits. And even if I felt some small victory after exchanging horrible words with my ex, I always felt less than afterward, deflated, diminished.

One of the ways Mr.G shows me he cares is by teasing me. He uses dirty words as foreplay and teasing jest as our own form of long distance spanking. His words of love and genuine care for me pervade even the harshest of words.

So I just wanted to put it out there. I do not condone staying in a relationship that in any way makes the light in your soul shine any dimmer. (I'm so woo-woo today!) And the filthy, degrading and yet wonderful things Mr. G says to me make me feel better than a compliment I've received in the past that wasn't sincere. I know the difference between good dirty words and bad. I feel like I'm so lucky to have learned this lesson. Both ways. The lesson that verbal abuse is still abuse, even if there are no physical marks. And the lesson that someone can speak to me (and hurt me and overpower me) in a way that makes us both feel oh so good afterward.