One Serving of Monkey Brain, Coming Right Up!

I feel broken, ruined. I feel like my body lets me down. I revel in being a slut, an orgasm junkie. I've come to terms with the fact that I am a freak of nature, needing/wanting to cum as often as I do. I used to be so embarrassed, felt so greedy. I thought I was miswired, most women my age don't think about sex or cumming nearly as often as I do. And thankfully Sir gets me. I wouldn't say he spoils me, but that's only because I fear he might stop. But I am a very good girl for him and he makes sure my emotional well-being is healthy (which translates to cumming rather often).

But I feel as though I've let He and I both down. This morning, I was told I may cum, but using my hands only. And I struggle, get close, feel like my pussy couldn't possibly throb or feel closer to exploding more. Then....nothing. And I get in my head. And start thinking. Which is exactly the thing that prohibits said pussy explosion. So I try being slutty for Sir, sending a naughty picture. To no avail. I burst out crying, like the melodramatic girl I can be at times. And nothing is more unsexy than crying (unless they are the dried on my face tears from a proper spanking, fucking, et cetera. Those are very hot tears that are filled with gratitude not frustrated angst.)

Thankfully, I get a chance at cumming again later after I finish my cardio. You better believe I'm getting on the bike as soon as humanly possible. Not cumming is horrible two-fold. One, I feel like I've let Sir down. He gave me a naughty just-because play and I couldn't capitalize on it. And two, now I feel like the rage inside me might turn me into She-Hulk.

I know lots of girls can't just cum from their own fingers. And sometimes, I can. Sir proved this to me over Christmas break, when I was in the land of vanilla and family. (1^st try was a swing and a miss, but I was so tired that night, I think I just fell asleep with my hands in my pajama bottoms) He gave me another shot at it the next night and I was inventive enough to suck on my brush handle (I cum so much more easily with my mouth full) and I managed to have a very satisfying orgasm with only my fingers.

I wonder, am I spoiled? Lazy? Impatient? Trained to only cum under certain circumstances?  Or really, is it all in my head? Having cum before with absolutely no stimulation on my pussy or ass (two places that pop into my mind that did the trick are the back of my knee and my lower back being stroked) makes me think it's strictly psychological. Which, honestly, I try not to think about. It's like a magic spell that I can uncast (my pure unadulterated wantonness) if I get too deep into the psychological whys and hows. I don't want to look behind the curtain. I love the magic. And I know, this is just a thing. I'm sure it will work itself out, just as everything else does.