Dichotomy is one of my favorite words. I am such a word nerd that, yes, I have favorites. Sometimes, when someone uses one of my favorite words, it just immediately puts me in a good mood or brings a smile to my face. My Master has increased my favorite word list exponentially. And I don't even mean naughty, wicked words that make my knees weak, my mouth dry, and my pussy soaking wet. That, I believe, is a completely different blog. No, I'm just talking about learning all his British words for things and funny, colorful sayings (I've noticed they use "piss" in many, many different contexts!)
Back to the point of this blog. Me loving dichotomy. I love wearing a boring, conservative suit for work and with it, a super hot pair of heels. I love that the other night, I went out for dinner with my vanilla friend and my Master made me put a toy inside my pussy to remind me of him the entire time. Nothing like talking about kids, work, husbands, et cetera, and to move in my seat, feel the toy move in and out of me and I tried my best not to moan or let my eyes roll back in my head, or grab my nipples hard.....no I did none of that.
And here lately, just speaking has been a double-edged sword for me. Sometimes I speak so quickly (and this can be my fingers speaking for me, as well) that I get myself in trouble because I say the first ridiculous thing that pops into my head and end up wishing I'd had a gag in my mouth (or fingercuffs, I suppose? for the stupid shit I say in IM/text) It's unbelievable how much I love words and how often they betray me and come out so fucking completely wrong.
And at the other end of the spectrum, there are so many times I WANT to say something and can't. For example, I find myself longing to say things to complete strangers, I want to say how "my Master" said that Stella Artois beer is called wife beater and here I thought it was kind of a classy beer. I want to tell all my friends at work how I cannot fucking WAIT to be with my Master, get to spend a week with him, get to be the slut and the slave that I know I need to be in order to feel like I'm truly living the life I was meant to lead.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm not also meant to lead the stable, busy, comfortable, conservative life that I lead on a day-to-day basis. I just want to immerse myself in my slave life. I want to truly feel like his prized possession. (don't get me wrong. Mr. G does an AMAZING long-distance job. I do truly feel as though I'm his. He makes sure somehow, in some way, I feel special and treasured and wanted every single day.) I just haven't really physically trusted someone besides T with my life, my body, my.....innermost vulnerable me....in a *really* stupidly long time. Playing with/for Mr. G remotely as I have, has most certainly affected me. I don't know if other people can go into sub space when they're not physically *with* their Master, but I most certainly can. I lose the ability to speak, sometimes to the point of just breathing so hard, I sound mid-workout. But the idea of literally being at my Master's whim for like....12 straight hours or something....Jesus, that actually almost excites me to the point of pure terror. And to bring this blog full circle, I've, once again, got dichotomy.
Back to the point of this blog. Me loving dichotomy. I love wearing a boring, conservative suit for work and with it, a super hot pair of heels. I love that the other night, I went out for dinner with my vanilla friend and my Master made me put a toy inside my pussy to remind me of him the entire time. Nothing like talking about kids, work, husbands, et cetera, and to move in my seat, feel the toy move in and out of me and I tried my best not to moan or let my eyes roll back in my head, or grab my nipples hard.....no I did none of that.
And here lately, just speaking has been a double-edged sword for me. Sometimes I speak so quickly (and this can be my fingers speaking for me, as well) that I get myself in trouble because I say the first ridiculous thing that pops into my head and end up wishing I'd had a gag in my mouth (or fingercuffs, I suppose? for the stupid shit I say in IM/text) It's unbelievable how much I love words and how often they betray me and come out so fucking completely wrong.
And at the other end of the spectrum, there are so many times I WANT to say something and can't. For example, I find myself longing to say things to complete strangers, I want to say how "my Master" said that Stella Artois beer is called wife beater and here I thought it was kind of a classy beer. I want to tell all my friends at work how I cannot fucking WAIT to be with my Master, get to spend a week with him, get to be the slut and the slave that I know I need to be in order to feel like I'm truly living the life I was meant to lead.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm not also meant to lead the stable, busy, comfortable, conservative life that I lead on a day-to-day basis. I just want to immerse myself in my slave life. I want to truly feel like his prized possession. (don't get me wrong. Mr. G does an AMAZING long-distance job. I do truly feel as though I'm his. He makes sure somehow, in some way, I feel special and treasured and wanted every single day.) I just haven't really physically trusted someone besides T with my life, my body, my.....innermost vulnerable me....in a *really* stupidly long time. Playing with/for Mr. G remotely as I have, has most certainly affected me. I don't know if other people can go into sub space when they're not physically *with* their Master, but I most certainly can. I lose the ability to speak, sometimes to the point of just breathing so hard, I sound mid-workout. But the idea of literally being at my Master's whim for like....12 straight hours or something....Jesus, that actually almost excites me to the point of pure terror. And to bring this blog full circle, I've, once again, got dichotomy.
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