I know anyone reading this blog would be shocked and amazed to find that I sometimes grumble under my breath about my Master. Yes, I know, everyone just thinks I sing love songs and go about my busy vanilla life in a happy, dazed fog of love for Mr. G. And honestly, there are definitely whole days that do pass exactly like that. I work, cook, wife, mommy, clean, take care of pets, etc. with a blithe smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye.
But every now and then I fuck up (or it's perceived that I've fucked up) and am punished. Now, this is when the distance thing *really* sucks. Don't get me wrong, when the time for rewards comes up (or play time or whatever) and I'm an ocean away from him, it's a bit of a struggle, too. But it really seems worse when I've screwed up, broken a rule or just done or said something asinine and pissed off my Master. Because that's really part of the beauty of M/s relationships. When the slave has messed up, there's a built in remedy of punishment to deal with it. It's so much nicer than vanilla relationships where you fuck up, you know you've fucked up and then you just have to be humble and chagrined for a few days, trying to make up for it.
There is great satisfaction in having messed up, knowing I've messed up and then having my Master deal with it (dole out a punishment) and be done with it, moving on to bigger and better things. The fact that he can't take his belt off and have me bend over a sofa to take my lashings or something equally as humiliating and painful is incredibly frustrating at times (for us both, I assure you) And luckily, Mr. G is always good enough after my long-distance punishment (and proper grovelling) to tell me, it's okay, I'm over it, let's move on. Because, honestly, I will continue to beat myself up over things I've thought I could've done better for WAY too long. And I love that he gives me that permission to get over it and move on, because then I do.
But there is another part of this Master/slave component that can be very frustrating, as well. Luckily, this hasn't come up much. But it just happened the other night. I'm not going to go into boring detail, but needless to say, he was irritated with me, didn't like the way I'd handled something and punished me for it (this particular punishment doesn't even sound harsh, but it really was due to the disappointment factor. my getting to see him on skype was promised and then yanked away from me when this little incident happened and timing-wise, skype isn't always the easiest to maneuver, with our two families, so to have it promised and then taken away really fucking sucked)
And here's the kicker. I still don't think I *really* did anything punish-worthy. I even sort of tried to argue my case, but then hearing the decisiveness in his voice, I realized very quickly this was futile and shut my lawyer-like mouth. And I'm a very fair-minded person. Doing what I do for a living, I've really decided to hear both sides of things as much as I can before deciding for myself what to think. So to not even really be able to debate the "rightness" of my side was incredibly frustrating. (and being told "know your place" ordinarily would irk me to no end, but coming from him, and the way he said it, really just made me want to kneel in front of him and thank him for reminding me)
It's a fairly bitter pill to swallow and yet, it's the reality of the situation. He has every right to punish me for something he feels there needs to be retribution for. And it's my place to just accept it and move on, knowing I will never, ever make that mistake again. And luckily, he's a level-headed and reasonable man. He doesn't confuse me by changing the rules mid-game or come up with impossible situations, to test me or force me to fail. He really doesn't enjoy punishing me any more than I want to be punished. (and honestly, disappointing him really makes me so sick in the pit of my stomach, that the punishment being given is usually a bit of a relief because I don't have to keep battering myself internally. It's his job to punish me, teach me the lesson and then we can move on, hopefully with me a better slave and us a little closer for having been through it.) Unless, of course, I don't think I did anything wrong. Then the lesson learned is....I'm the slave, he's the Master, and I need to know my place.
But every now and then I fuck up (or it's perceived that I've fucked up) and am punished. Now, this is when the distance thing *really* sucks. Don't get me wrong, when the time for rewards comes up (or play time or whatever) and I'm an ocean away from him, it's a bit of a struggle, too. But it really seems worse when I've screwed up, broken a rule or just done or said something asinine and pissed off my Master. Because that's really part of the beauty of M/s relationships. When the slave has messed up, there's a built in remedy of punishment to deal with it. It's so much nicer than vanilla relationships where you fuck up, you know you've fucked up and then you just have to be humble and chagrined for a few days, trying to make up for it.
There is great satisfaction in having messed up, knowing I've messed up and then having my Master deal with it (dole out a punishment) and be done with it, moving on to bigger and better things. The fact that he can't take his belt off and have me bend over a sofa to take my lashings or something equally as humiliating and painful is incredibly frustrating at times (for us both, I assure you) And luckily, Mr. G is always good enough after my long-distance punishment (and proper grovelling) to tell me, it's okay, I'm over it, let's move on. Because, honestly, I will continue to beat myself up over things I've thought I could've done better for WAY too long. And I love that he gives me that permission to get over it and move on, because then I do.
But there is another part of this Master/slave component that can be very frustrating, as well. Luckily, this hasn't come up much. But it just happened the other night. I'm not going to go into boring detail, but needless to say, he was irritated with me, didn't like the way I'd handled something and punished me for it (this particular punishment doesn't even sound harsh, but it really was due to the disappointment factor. my getting to see him on skype was promised and then yanked away from me when this little incident happened and timing-wise, skype isn't always the easiest to maneuver, with our two families, so to have it promised and then taken away really fucking sucked)
And here's the kicker. I still don't think I *really* did anything punish-worthy. I even sort of tried to argue my case, but then hearing the decisiveness in his voice, I realized very quickly this was futile and shut my lawyer-like mouth. And I'm a very fair-minded person. Doing what I do for a living, I've really decided to hear both sides of things as much as I can before deciding for myself what to think. So to not even really be able to debate the "rightness" of my side was incredibly frustrating. (and being told "know your place" ordinarily would irk me to no end, but coming from him, and the way he said it, really just made me want to kneel in front of him and thank him for reminding me)
It's a fairly bitter pill to swallow and yet, it's the reality of the situation. He has every right to punish me for something he feels there needs to be retribution for. And it's my place to just accept it and move on, knowing I will never, ever make that mistake again. And luckily, he's a level-headed and reasonable man. He doesn't confuse me by changing the rules mid-game or come up with impossible situations, to test me or force me to fail. He really doesn't enjoy punishing me any more than I want to be punished. (and honestly, disappointing him really makes me so sick in the pit of my stomach, that the punishment being given is usually a bit of a relief because I don't have to keep battering myself internally. It's his job to punish me, teach me the lesson and then we can move on, hopefully with me a better slave and us a little closer for having been through it.) Unless, of course, I don't think I did anything wrong. Then the lesson learned is....I'm the slave, he's the Master, and I need to know my place.
Sometimes we will disagree on things. I think you took your punishment like a good slave and appreciate you doing so.
ReplyDeleteLike you said, thankfully we don't have too many instances where i have to punish you and you don't agree with it.
The main thing is, you realise i have the final word.