Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Budding Career of a Porn Star

I made my first video last night.  And no, I don't actually mean for vivid or kink (or burning angel or...I really have watched too much porn in my life), but I did make my first movie for Mr. G last night.  Wow.  I really never thought I'd do that.  I haven't in 38 years been captured on video (and recorded, because I guess theoretically, webcam is "capturing" and just not recording it) being the whore that I am until now.

And I was not as horrified to watch it as I was afraid I'd be.  Like most women, I have serious body issues.  I go back and forth between not looking very closely at myself and examining myself in the mirror a little too much.  And I try very very hard not to disparage myself (out loud, my inner monologue is worse than Joan Rivers on the red carpet) because I don't want Mr. G to think I'm disparaging his property.  But I have to say, watching yourself play is a bizarre experience.

First off, I have to say I was *so* turned on because with Mr. G home and a fantastic welcome home chat, I felt like my world was back in place.  The planet that I, as a satellite, orbit around has once again returned and I'm no longer drifting, lost in space.  Plus, all he has to do is say a few key words and I'm panting, moaning, and truly soaking my panties. 

And I really went into this video-making with a good attitude.  I am not making this for public consumption or to make a profit.  I am making this movie for Mr. G.  He's seen me do these things and rather enjoyed the show.  I wanted to get fucked so badly because I'd waited days and days for him and then when he told me to fuck myself hard for him with a toy....launched me into full-on lust mode.  So I just violated myself a few different ways and in different positions and didn't analyze each and every frame.

And then I downloaded it to my computer and watched.  I had fucked up because I'd hit what I thought was pause but it really created like five different movies, so that was a little irritating.  And I didn't have the patience to find video editing software and piece them together.  So I watched them one time through really rather horrified (completely tearing apart my body, looking for every shot of my boobs looking floppy or my belly not at all lean and flat, butt...wow, certain views, it's wide!) and then a second time, more kindly and actually heard how much fun I was having for him, remembered how hot it is to be a dirty slut for him and actually got turned on a bit. (this is a huge improvement over the initial nausea I felt at seeing me fuck myself).

Then I dragged it to dropbox and shared it with Mr. G.  And now, I haven't heard from him yet today so I sit on pins and needles, feeling a bit like I just sent myself naked on a platter to Mr. G's hotel room and I'm waiting on the room service cart for him to answer the door.  It's a little horrifying, let me tell you. 

But I did it.  I did something I thought I'd never do.  And that's a true testament to Mr. G.  Because I never thought I'd let myself be recorded being such a dirty slut.  But he really asked me in such a way that I couldn't refuse.  He didn't order me to film it.  He asked me to fuck myself hard for him and cum hard for him.  And how nice it'd be if he had a video of that.  And I was like....uh...god, no please?  And he's like, okay, that's fine.  And then, I immediately want to please him and I know he didn't just say that as a passive aggressive way to make me film myself.  He genuinely only wants to push me in certain ways.  He never crosses that line of what makes me feel good about myself and what makes me wake up the next day feeling disgusted with myself over.  So how can a good slave not oblige?  He so rarely makes requests of me that makes me even *want* to say no.  And I really got the most pleasure out of the whole experience knowing that I was ultimately pleasing him.  Because even if he didn't like the videos, the fact that I did it for him shows him how much his pleasure means to me. 

Now, I just have to work on camera angles, I know there's got to be one that makes my stomach look flat....

1 comment:

  1. I appreciate you being obedient and doing this for me.

    It beats watching regular porn any day, after all you are my personal pornstar!

    ReplyDelete