Filthy Whore

Most people would cringe at being called such harsh words.  Those are actually two of my favorite words my Master utters.  I love the way whore sounds coming out of his mouth.  His accent, all that, but just the actual sound of it.  He has one of the dirtiest mouths I've ever encountered. (and I don't mean hygiene!  I'm happy to say he disproves the British have bad teeth stereotype.)  And that's saying something, considering I curse like a sailor.  Ever since Eddie Murphy's "Delirious" stand-up routine, I have loved the proper use of swear words.  Mr. G actually takes this to a new level for me because of the sexy words factor.  But also because the English have their own set of curse words and insult words that are fun and new and different for me.  The first time he called me a plonker, I almost peed my pants laughing!  A plonker?!  That's just fantastic!  Or a slag, that word came into my vocabulary from some Bridget Jones type book, but still a favorite.  Bell end, ball ache, taking the piss are more of my newly learned phrases that crack me up.

Still the one word that Mr. G says that makes me the happiest, wettest and most touches me deep inside is "mine".  I love hearing him use the possessive about me.  "My girl"  "My whore" makes me feel so special, so wanted.  Even if I do or say something less than bright and I'll call myself an idiot, he'll say something like "my idiot" and it makes me laugh and feel better.  As a matter of fact, we've been hanging around a little on Second Life and something so silly but that makes me so happy is just that he put "I am His girl" over my avatar in pink for everyone to see. 
Since this part of my life has to be secreted away and hidden from 90% of the rest of my life, I love having at least these two places where I am claimed, am owned by Him.  I know it sounds silly, but it really does mean a lot.

I used to get to play this game (now it's been ruined because I told him about it and he never willingly plays, dammit.  He knows I'm a randy slut, just looking for an excuse to get all heated up) where he starts telling me about something, how he's got to go clean his car, it's so dirty.  And I'd try to get him to say a few key words.  "How dirty is it, sir?  Is it filthy?  Really, really dirty?"  Now, I tease him and try to play my game but he sees right through it and just laughs at me.  It really doesn't take much to amuse me or turn me on and luckily my Master has a good sense of humor.

So here's where my blog gets a little strange.  On occasion my Master actually lets me have a play.  Here lately, it's solo, without him on the phone or skype or whatever more so than not.  Really, it gets hard for me to...I don't want to say get in the mood.  I'm always in the mood for an orgasm.  I could be sick as hell, barely able to get out of bed and if offered, I'd JUMP at the chance to have a play.  But I do try to...make it worth my while.  Since my orgasms are doled out like drugs in little paper cups in the psych ward, I try to make them something to last, not knowing when the next play is going to come.  But it's hard, being in my own head, trying to picture him, his voice, his body, what he does to my body.
I need to be in his presence so badly, to fill that coffer back up, remind myself what that's like so badly.  And so I....watch home movies he's sent me that have him with ex's in them.  I know how weird this is. 

I'm not an unjealous person.  I have my moments.  For example, once, snooping on my T's computer when we were dating and he was at work, I ran across naked pictures of his ex.  I can never unsee those pictures.  That skinny bitch with big natural boobs will forever be burned into my brain and to this DAY it makes me a little ill thinking about them.  But yet, Mr. G and these nameless girls who came before me really do the trick for me when I'm about to have a play (I am not a watching porn WHILE I play kinda person.  I like to watch a few clips and then go into my head and touch myself sans visual stimuli).  I will say that most of the time, I just listen to the audio, because he says a few key phrases that make me melt and drool and want to cum.  Even just hearing him breathing hard, that makes me want to get out my toybag and violate my body.  Because that's the funny thing, he's not a major talker while the sex stuff is happening.  So just hearing his breathing when he's getting close to cumming.....mmmmmm god.  That's good stuff.  So thank you, nameless dirty girls that preceded me.  You have helped me more than you'll ever know!

And here's a happy memory for me and a little bit of fun filth. 

I Need...

I need to be used as his sex toy. I need him to use my body so rough. To grab my face and slap it, then slap it again with his cock. I need my mouth choked with his hard cock, as he rams it down my throat. I need his hands around my throat, grabbing me tightly while he fucks me. I need to feel his burning smacks on my ass, as he's spanking me over and over. I need to be on all fours in front of him on the bed, while he stands next to it, shoving his cock in and out of my mouth. Then I need him on top of me again, shoving his cock so hard, deep in my pussy, then fucking my mouth again, letting me taste my cum on his cock. I need to hear the desire in his voice as he says “good girl” as I cum and cum and cum, all over his hand and his cock. I need to feel the urgency in his body, as he's fucking my mouth, as I struggle to take him all and suck and stroke him, while he's slamming it so hard in and out of my mouth. I need to hear him laugh under his breath, as he's fucking my mouth so hard, hearing me gag and then going right back to sucking and taking all of his cock. I need to feel his orgasm, feel his body shudder, his cock shooting his hot cum past my mouth, straight down my throat. I need to suck his cock dry, keeping it in my mouth and gently tonguing and sucking it until he removes it from me. I need this and I need permission to cum all over my toys, five, six, seven times in a row. Please, Master? Please? Please, may I cum sometime before Christmas?

The Budding Career of a Porn Star

I made my first video last night.  And no, I don't actually mean for vivid or kink (or burning angel or...I really have watched too much porn in my life), but I did make my first movie for Mr. G last night.  Wow.  I really never thought I'd do that.  I haven't in 38 years been captured on video (and recorded, because I guess theoretically, webcam is "capturing" and just not recording it) being the whore that I am until now.

And I was not as horrified to watch it as I was afraid I'd be.  Like most women, I have serious body issues.  I go back and forth between not looking very closely at myself and examining myself in the mirror a little too much.  And I try very very hard not to disparage myself (out loud, my inner monologue is worse than Joan Rivers on the red carpet) because I don't want Mr. G to think I'm disparaging his property.  But I have to say, watching yourself play is a bizarre experience.

First off, I have to say I was *so* turned on because with Mr. G home and a fantastic welcome home chat, I felt like my world was back in place.  The planet that I, as a satellite, orbit around has once again returned and I'm no longer drifting, lost in space.  Plus, all he has to do is say a few key words and I'm panting, moaning, and truly soaking my panties. 

And I really went into this video-making with a good attitude.  I am not making this for public consumption or to make a profit.  I am making this movie for Mr. G.  He's seen me do these things and rather enjoyed the show.  I wanted to get fucked so badly because I'd waited days and days for him and then when he told me to fuck myself hard for him with a toy....launched me into full-on lust mode.  So I just violated myself a few different ways and in different positions and didn't analyze each and every frame.

And then I downloaded it to my computer and watched.  I had fucked up because I'd hit what I thought was pause but it really created like five different movies, so that was a little irritating.  And I didn't have the patience to find video editing software and piece them together.  So I watched them one time through really rather horrified (completely tearing apart my body, looking for every shot of my boobs looking floppy or my belly not at all lean and flat, butt...wow, certain views, it's wide!) and then a second time, more kindly and actually heard how much fun I was having for him, remembered how hot it is to be a dirty slut for him and actually got turned on a bit. (this is a huge improvement over the initial nausea I felt at seeing me fuck myself).

Then I dragged it to dropbox and shared it with Mr. G.  And now, I haven't heard from him yet today so I sit on pins and needles, feeling a bit like I just sent myself naked on a platter to Mr. G's hotel room and I'm waiting on the room service cart for him to answer the door.  It's a little horrifying, let me tell you. 

But I did it.  I did something I thought I'd never do.  And that's a true testament to Mr. G.  Because I never thought I'd let myself be recorded being such a dirty slut.  But he really asked me in such a way that I couldn't refuse.  He didn't order me to film it.  He asked me to fuck myself hard for him and cum hard for him.  And how nice it'd be if he had a video of that.  And I was like....uh...god, no please?  And he's like, okay, that's fine.  And then, I immediately want to please him and I know he didn't just say that as a passive aggressive way to make me film myself.  He genuinely only wants to push me in certain ways.  He never crosses that line of what makes me feel good about myself and what makes me wake up the next day feeling disgusted with myself over.  So how can a good slave not oblige?  He so rarely makes requests of me that makes me even *want* to say no.  And I really got the most pleasure out of the whole experience knowing that I was ultimately pleasing him.  Because even if he didn't like the videos, the fact that I did it for him shows him how much his pleasure means to me. 

Now, I just have to work on camera angles, I know there's got to be one that makes my stomach look flat....