Calmness in Chaos

I am just fine.  Calm even.  I am a monk sitting peacefully on a
mountain, looking out at the world completely at ease.  Or I'm running
around like a chicken with my head cut off, laughing maniacally and
completely out of my mind.  Really, I'm somewhere in between,
vacillating between the two.  Luckily, I'm closer to the monk than the
headless chicken.

And I got some very fantastic news last night.  My in-laws want to
have the offspring next week!  This is *such* a huge relief for me.
It's not that I don't think t can handle it all, it's just that this
was the source of a great deal of guilt for me.  I don't feel guilty
as a wife, going to spend four days with another man.  I won't let
myself feel badly about this, because this is the arrangement we have
made as husband and wife and this arrangement is acceptable to t.  The
guilt I felt was leaving him to single parent while I went off and had
a great and relaxing time.  I felt guilt to little one, too (I always
feel guilt as a working mother) because she deserves better than an
overworked, stressed out single dad.  So instead, now she gets to go
play with her cousins and get spoiled by her grandparents.  And t and
I both get a break from parenting for a few days (which I personally
think always recharges my mommy batteries).  What a win/win situation.

Now, I have to go pretend to be a professional for about eight hours.
There are certainly some days that I'm glad my job can be so
all-consuming.  It certainly makes the hours fly for me.  The less
time I have in my own head, lost in thought the better right now.