Livin' on the Edge

Let me preface this blog with this.  I have in the last few days had
two different people tell me how happy I look.  And one of them was a
nurse at my doctor's office, so one might even classify that as my
condition.  Happy.  And really and truly, I am.

But....and here's the fun part.  I'm a damn nutjob.  I have been
having to work SO hard the last few days to not get completely lost in
my head with things that are never going to happen (and getting myself
stressed out about it).  Luckily, my Master is very used to my
flipping from completely low key (he might argue against that ever
being my state) happy, and content girl to someone who has her head
between her knees, breathing into a paper bag.

And here's why.  My trip is coming up so fast.  And I *know* my last
trip was so fantastic.  But I just neurotically worry about silly
things.  And since my last visit was so surreal and I didn't write
enough about it, it's like a fond memory from a book I read or a dream
I had.  This makes me thankful that I do have so much contact with
Mr. G.  Whenever I speak with him, I remember that it's Him.  I worship
Him.  He's so funny and charming and sexy.  Plus he's like the
neurotic slave whisperer.  He always seems to know exactly what I
need, whether it's a hysterical one-liner, a virtual hug in SL (you
might say cheesy, I hear you.  but if you know the day I'd had and
then the surprise offer of getting to go chat and hang with my Master
and he greets me with this huge bear hug, it actually brought tears to
my eyes, it was so what I needed at that moment)

So it's not my trip that has me so on edge, And let me tell you, I'm
jumpier than a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.  My sister is
coming to visit today.  And don't get me wrong, I love my sister and
we are (were?) extremely close.  Keeping such a huge secret from her
as Mr. G has made me feel so many emotions.  And yet, I keep it from
her for her own good.  I don't want to ruin the closeness that we
still have.  And I certainly don't want to ruin her good natured and
comfortable  relationship she has with t.  So not letting myself be
all giddy and silly and relaxed is going to have to be my modus
operandi.  I'm just such an open book.  When I get off the phone with
Mr. G, I look like a 15-year-old, starry eyed and goofy most of the
time.  And I'm not meaning to say that this gaga-ness is strictly from
dirty talk.  No, siree.  Master is just generous enough (*cough*) with
talking filth to me and doling out orgasms.  Most of the time, it's
because I've just laughed my ass off and I have that giggly, flushed
face feeling.  I'm going to either not talk to him at all over the
next few days (god, no, please?!) or try to learn composure.  I'm an
adult.  I can do this!  Right?

And my sister is a detective.  She's known me the closest and the
longest of any other human being on this planet.  She also happens to
love me and want me happy and all that.  So I'm sure seeing me happy
is going to make her happy.  And also make her more into detective
mode of what's up.  Why is my sister so happy?  Maybe I'm reading too
much into it.  T says I'm basically normal around his family, so maybe
I'm putting too much pressure on myself for her visit.

Really, she's just coming here to go to the Kid Rock concert with me
and to see her niece.  Plus, my sister loves talking on the phone and
won't be following me around like a hawk.  I'm sure everything will be
fantastic and I'm just crazy girl who's had a little too much coffee
today.

I also have to give credit where credit is due.  My t is such a great partner.
He's my sub buddy and we are so very alike.  He is very very good at talking me back from the edge all the time.  I will say we are very good support for one another.  And he will also cover for me so I can have some phone time, I'm sure.  I'm so lucky.

And anyway, only 10 days and I'm on a plane to see Mr. G.  Thinking
about kneeling and looking up at him adoringly is my zen, happy place.
 I picture that and just breathe...