Put your cocks away. This (sadly) isn't that kind of post

I am so lucky that I'm not adrift at sea, unfettered and alone. I have some pretty amazing people in my world. And they keep me chartering the right course. I have run the gamut of emotions. At first, I was beating myself up (and being self-sabotaging, but thankfully I've reigned that in). I know I have stated this before. I hate crying. Don't get me wrong, the sweet movie where you get a tear trickle down your cheek is fine....I'm talking about gut-wrenching, can't open your eyes the next day crying.

But additionally, I hate feeling sad. I have twice the mental anguish when I am sad, because I get mad at myself for being so sad. So I'm happy to say that thanks to some really good people, I'm doing considerably better in the tear-fest department. The pity parties have ceased.

My good friend Ms T said “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime” So true.  It's good to accept that.

And I've had another very smart person tell me about an exercise that helps me go to my pure slave place. Like a meditation. And afterwards, I feel more centered, more in touch with that girl. The one who yearns to serve and to be a truly prized possession. And that part of me isn't in a panic-stricken state any longer. I realize now is just the time for refurbishment. Sometimes things have to be completely gutted to be able to be rebuilt more beautiful.

I'm also happy to say I have a pressie (and potential hot picture opportunity) coming in the mail. I am so lucky in that way. T buys the best presents. And just having something fun to look forward to has brightened up my spirits. He ordered me a leather breast binder. Oh, I really hope it fits! It will be my Sinful Sunday photo if it does. My boobs aren't really what you'd call “one size fits all” though, so we shall see.

'Tis the Season

Be forewarned, this is a mopey depression girl blog.  First off, I have to say I'm actually very happy overall.  Mr. G is as generous to me as I could ever hope.  I've gotten to spend lots of quality phone time with him and we've even been spending fun virtual time together on Second Life.  But the holidays bring joy and...well, nostalgia.  It brings presents and...feelings of something missing.  I'm so happy for my T, she has found a wonderful Mistress and she is back to being my favorite (no offense, Ms. T) subbie buddy.  I love sharing that side with T.  It's what we do best, lean on one another, be the sounding board that the other needs (and sometimes the voice of reason)

So tonight, after spending a couple of HOURS together on SL, Mr. G went to bed and I was left alone with my busy overthinking mind.  So I thought wouldn't it be nice to listen to some Christmas music while I do a little work.  So then Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong sneaks up and punches me right in the stomach.  I won't quote the lyrics here because I'm sure that's a copyright infringement or something, but I was gay enough to write Mr. G an email quoting them (Freddie Mercury called to tell me just how gay.)  Luckily, he's used to my being a silly emotional chick at times and wasn't phased by it.

But it's the holiday spirit.  And I'm missing him, even having had lots and lots of him lately.  It's the physicality of him that I miss.  A hug, a touch, a spank, a nice choke around my neck.  (yes, don't worry, being depression girl doesn't make me any less slutty)  T reminds me I found him.  I chose someone a continent away.  And I stand behind that decision 100%.  The last five and a half months have been really some of the best of my life.  And I know there's only more good things to come (mmmm and cum) in our future.  Sometimes I just wish I could lie next to him and listen to him sleep.